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Friday, March 11, 2011

Feedback (again) Please!

Thank you all so much!
This is a link to query letters (they are also pasted below based on feedback)for my story, its supposed to be similar to what you'd read on the back of a book- Feel free to edit or write your thoughts with Google docs in with comments or at the end of the letter. You can make a comment by going to the menu, picking Insert on dropdown, and clicking on comment
Please vote for your favorite




Version 1

Dear Ms. Agent name,
When seventeen-year-old Meredith’s dad died, a part of her died with him. Then she meets Kaden and she’s swept up in her first love. His kisses make her forget her problems. He listens to her and understands who she is. With him, she feels she’s becoming whole again.

The first time Kaden hits her, she’s shocked. She can’t understand how the boy who kissed her tears away could hurt her. When he apologizes promising it won’t happen again, she believes him. After Meredith discover she’s pregnant, she grasps onto the good in him, afraid of being alone, and clinging to dreams of a happy family.

But when he kicks her, and she nearly loses her baby, she realizes she can’t make excuses anymore and breaks free. Her future is scary, but she’s determined to make the right decisions. Even if that means giving her baby to another family—a thought that haunts her every time she closes her eyes. Fractured is Meredith’s journey to overcome her obstacles and doubt.

Complete at 65,000 words, FRACTURED is a YA Contemporary that will appeal to fans of Holly Cupala’s Tell Me a Secret and Sarah Dressen’s Dreamland.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


Version 2

Dear Ms.

When seventeen-year-old Meredith loses her father to cancer, she feels a part of her is buried with him.

Then she meets Kaden who understands her and captivates her with his dark beauty and charm. Swept up in her first love, Meredith believes she can be whole again. But there is another side to Kaden, one she begins to fear. The boy who soothed her pain now shakes and backhands her when he goes into a rage. Afraid of falling into loneliness again, she blindly holds onto the good in him. When she realizes she’s pregnant, Meredith knows the good parts aren’t enough anymore. She must protect her unborn baby and take responsibility for her life—whether she’s ready or not.

Complete at 65,000 words, FRACTURED is a YA Contemporary that will appeal to fans of Holly Cupala’s Tell Me a Secret and Sarah Dressen’s Dreamland.
Thank you for your time and consideration.











Which do you like better?

3 comments:

  1. Version 2. I think version 1 might give a little too much away.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I like the first paragraph with option 1 and the 2nd paragraph with option 2. The book sounds great by the way.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I voted for Version 2. Your book sounds wonderful! Best of luck, Brandi! :)

    ReplyDelete

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