Monday, November 29, 2010

I need your help!!

I have been working on a query letter for my novel, and while I have received some wonderful comments, help and suggestions, I wanted to get some help from YOU. My devoted blog readers, hopefully part of my future book readers.

What I need help with- telling me what you like, or don't like. What draws you in, suggestions on how you might word it differently to be more appealing.
I have three different synopsis/queries. Please tell me your favorite (vote), and leave any comments or suggestions, but adding a comment in here on google docs. You can submit a comment by highlighting what you would change or what you like, then going to toolbar, insert, and click comment.

I need to know which one you would most likely buy upon reading the description. If you like certain parts of one, but would use it in a different one, please tell me that too.

I really appreciate this and all of the feedback that I get is VALUABLE beyond words.
Thank you!

Which is your favorite?


  1. I like #3 the best, but I really like the first lines of #2. You should work that into #3 :)

  2. I agree with Theresa. The first two sentences from #2 really grabbed me, however I also really liked #3. I think the main thing that sucks me into a summary on the back of a book is the first sentence. If I am not grabbed by the first sentence, chances are that I won't continue reading the summary. This does sound like a great book though, and I do look forward to reading it!

    Happy Reading,

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. This week on my blog I'm writing about queries. I think you have a great idea...but the query needs work. Can I critique your query on my blog for next week? Let me know.

  5. Thank you Brandi, Jessica and Theresa! I appreciate your comments!
    Demitria- I left a comment on your blog.

  6. I think you need to work on the wording a bit:

    She compartmentalizes Kaden into the one who cherishes her, takes care of her and another who is angry and dark.

    Perhaps you could say something like:

    She comes to see Kaden as two separate men: one who cherishes her and takes care of her, and another who is angry and dark.

    Overall, I prefer #2... but without the first sentence. It's out of sequence and it just confused me by making me think that there was another guy involved.

  7. I like #2 best, but I think it needs some work.

    The first couple of sentences really grabbed me, but then as I went on reading, I was too busy wondering whether or not she's a teen - which would completely change the feel of the story - rather than focusing on the storyline.

    Other than that, I just think you must read it out loud to yourself a couple of times then leave it aside for a day or two. I know you'd be thinking about it a lot, but I personally think that if you leave it until it fades away from your mind, you'd be able to judge it for yourself - something I think is super important because I think a query should have the flavor of the story it's about and, so far, the three queries sound entirely different to me and it made me wonder: which one is the closest to the novel?

    And about the pitch, personally, because I'm not into contemporary YA, I'd have to be seriously impressed by the sample pages. ^^

    But again, I'm not an agent; I'm just a super picky reader who happens to be an author :) I just hope I helped you!

  8. I think your best ones are #2 and #3, so I'd like to comment on elements from both. I'll post the critique next Monday, Dec. 6th.

  9. Like the first commenter, I like the first sentence of #2, but rest of #3. If I picked up a book with description 1 or 2 on the back, I'd probably put it back down. I'd read #3.

  10. I like 3 the best but agree the opening sentence of 2 grabs you.

    I really like the premise of your book. It is something I would definitely buy :)

  11. I really preferred number 3. It was to the point which is what I liked about it. When I'm reading a synopsis I want to be able to scan it and get an idea of exactly what I'm in for, lots of flowery writing instantly puts me off. I guess that's just the way I skim through piles of books to try to work out which ones I want to buy. I thought number 3 was the most professional sounding one of them and also felt like it drew me into the crux of the story the best. Hope that is helpful :-)

  12. I love the third one. It's definitely the one that is most interesting to me. Definitely introduce the name of your novel though. I think one of the other choices does that but number 3 does not... Or if it did, it didn't stand out to me. I'm assuming that you are going to incorporate this into a letter of some sort, if you're doing a query letter?

    A good transition from synopsis to letter is a must!

    Good luck!1!!!

  13. I preferred #3 as well. I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you on the rest of your manuscript. I've been insanely busy! I'll get to it!


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